Theology Lesson Five Hundred

For example; on this side of the daytime, the fictional example-subject written ‘bout in the book by the most holy Simply Duane, notices all is essentially empty. This, then, he also sprach, but this time doctor, a little bit differently; then the panicked mind will, 1. Assume that the real and fictional example-subject is dead, and, 2. Because the mind has been wired by the creator to be in Garden of Eden mode, it must do what is right, which, 3. Is to catch up with itself, and be dead and, 4. Take the fictional example-subject down dead, top to toes, and, that. That does explain. Does sure, and sure explain, many mysterious historical cases of sudden death. The sins of Adam and Eve—who were sure and sure wired to behave in the blissed-out perfected faux-environment of their Garden of Eden—threw them sure, and sure sure and sure out of the garden, into an imperfect world, for which they were sure, and sure ‘nuff, non-wired. And that. Dear Grandson. Is sure, and sure sure and sure the cause of. Spontaneous death. Also, put differently. All incurable illnesses. Mental illness of every kind. And the need for—and this deserves to be put even more differently—trucking companies sure and sure. Truck drivers. The clothing industry sure, sure, and sure—the entire transportation industry. The need to char food to make it edible, for sure. Piano moving free-lancers. The need to work at any job at all, for pay. The notion of pay. Of war. Coffee. Hashish. Sure, and sure. Sure and sure, and—as she and the trillion but probably far less yes people setting down faces set into wide open fat studybooks, the generation of which is likewise, yah, yah, necessitated by the sin-n-n-n of the first couple in that Garden they’d been handed, but the why is itself—buried deep in the pages of—yet more fat studybooks, offering explanations of why. Why, oh, why? When they had been handed everything? The first couple had screwed up and got fired from the ultimate do-nothing high-pay set-for-life jobs, eckeckduhduh-h-h-h-h-h—b-b-b-b-ut had they only stayed in the Garden, wring your hands for them class, wring, wring, your hands for them—these and those and all the other heavy fat studybooks would never have been written—as a matter of fact, the book itself would never have been invented because why have books in the Garden of Eden, and—yes tear your hair, beat your breasts, bite your lips bloody, for them and for them and for—so—the screaming priest—part time theology teacher—that day got dragged off the podium, tightly straightjacketed by two bearded big burlies, and whisked away for re-education, and possibly something better which the proper medication, salved over him the proper number of years, would bring him fat-back out ‘o his world of delusion, and. There he’d be picking up in his Garden of Eden again—his very own personal one. To boot.

Continue reading “Theology Lesson Five Hundred”

Keep Your Voices Low

by Viacheslav Lazurin

Welcome to our museum! Please seat yourself there and let me connect you to this thing. We call it mind-expanding machine. Visually, it resembles an ancient phonograph, doesn’t it? Assuming you know what a phonograph is. Assuming such things still exist in your constellation. If not, there is one example in the next room within the same dimension. You may check it out later. Not the real one, of course, just a reflection in a controlled time curve.

Continue reading “Keep Your Voices Low”

Scraps: An Excerpt from Unidentified man at left of photo

The following conversation occurred in that stage of a friendship where, after you meet someone who might become a friend, you enter a period of distrust or suspicion that the other fellow is going to turn out to be untrustworthy, or a mooch. You get glimmers of what’s going to be unlikeable in him, and wonder if you can get used to it. When that phase passes you’ll be better friends, if you’re lucky. For Ed and Joe, that hadn’t happened yet. They’d meet at bars, clubs, their apartments, at the movies where they complained about the uncomfortable seats in City Cinema, but they hadn’t developed the habit of dropping by each other’s place unannounced. Until today, and by today is meant the section of fiction that follows.

Continue reading “Scraps: An Excerpt from Unidentified man at left of photo”

KWM: Monkey Business / The Third Man

Editor’s note: I started The Collidescope so that I could give a home to work that is true to itself rather than diluted by the artless concerns of marketing and audience pandering. The aesthetic of the journal reflects my own tastes, of course: writing that tinkers with the mechanics of language, that itemizes etymology, orchestrates melody, writing that is logistically illogical and acts as the ouija board of voiceless dreams. Rick Harsch’s writing embodies all this and more. I never thought that I’d be serializing an amazing novel from an amazing author. I’m both honored and excited. So dear readers, be sure to bookmark The Collidescope and check back every Sunday for new installments of Kramberger with Monkey: A Comedy of Assassination by Rick Harsch.

Continue reading “KWM: Monkey Business / The Third Man”